So once again Craigslist might prove to be my one true love
in a stoke of genius I realized I could search possible carpools around the Capital Region by going to the community section.
This would be ahhhmazing considering the winter cold has me ready to start packing for warmer climates ( back home it’s 70!) and the CDTA has me traveling 2 hours to and from a place it takes 20 mins to drive to (reeeedicccccc).
Yet here I am. I’ve been going back and forth on prospect of moving but ultimately I decided that I want to stay- at least until next winter. I mean a) winter is at least 1/2 way over (i hope) and b) i want to stay at my dojo. Although I haven’t been going this past week and likely wont be back for another couple of weeks, I’ve had a lot of success weight loss, I discovered a new passion in martial arts, a much needed stress outlet, and everyone there is really nice.
Getting out of such a long relationship (4 years!!!) I definitely found myself back at square 1. Which for me turned out to be 21. So getting my independence and self sufficiency back has been a uphill climb. Coupled with a whole lotta shit that took place within the past 12 months…but I feel like I’ve closed a chapter and I can say that at 26 I’m happy. I’m happy with who I am and where I’m at. Is life perfect…No. Of course not. But I feel way less anxious about having it ‘all together’ and I feel way less anxious about getting my degree. I know its something I’d like to have someday- maybe. And I know its something that would of made my Grandfather really proud. But for me right now, with my indecisiveness on a major I think returning to full time work is the best bet. I’d rather take individual classes anyways and I’d much rather learn skills that enrich my life than get a degree that gets me an entry level position doing something I didn’t even go to school for.
I’ve decided overall my goal is to a freelance writer. And someday I would like a vineyard in California I think. Some place coastal and off the beaten path (but not too far from a major city). And I want to make movies. My goal for this year is to lose all the excess weight. I know when I turn 27 I’ll be in the best shape of my life 😀 And when I get to that point I can then consider if Albany has the best opportunities for me. Because I would really love to go back to film school.
I’m so grateful one of my dear friends encouraged me to start journaling.
I will say if there is one thing I’m guilty of its searching for love harder than I’ve been searching for God.
I think I was just so wrapped up in making my previous relationship last that once I started working out and getting serious about practicing I developed more confidence and self respect and it made me realize how unhealthy our relationship was. However, when I left my ex became ‘the Ex from Hell’ pretty much. It made me really sad that’s how he chose to end things but whatever. Being tied for 4 years and then realizing even with all the bull shit you put up with you really never had love it almost makes you starved for it. Still desperation is how I ended up with my POS car, Veronica the Sante Fe. $10,000 later I was able to walk away with $200.
So definitely willing to wait on a relationship and a car until I know its the real deal.
Patience has never been one of my strongholds.
But in the meantime, I really need to find a job asap. It seems impossible to not only find something but find something that is somewhat enjoyable. Despite what my peers are saying, I am being picky in what I apply to at least right now. I’ve done the get anything game, its an easy trap to get stuck in. But during my recent period of soul searching I remembered how much I loved my first job working at The Icing by Clarie’s. Back then I got to listen and watch alternative rock music videos all day. So I literally just jammed and hung surrounded by pretty sparkly things. I figure though, that was then, now lets see if I can step it up and work with some real jewels. I already have a passion for stones. What I am really looking for is more abstract than concrete. My ideal job at this point has me not attached to my desk by a telephone cord or every minute of my time micromanaged, i get to look pretty and dress up, listen to music (ie: Jam), and work in a positive environment. If on top of that I get to be submerged in expensive jewels- I’m all about it. Plus I feel like I could really get down to helping men pick out engagement rings. I’d feel really good about that. Helpin a sistah out when I get her man to splurge on that perfect gem that’s just little out of his preferred price range 😉 Getttt it girrlllllll! And that’s another thing, I want to be able to really get passionate about my job. Even though transition is hard, I know in the long run it’ll be well worth it when I have that job I love.