All the way alive

listening to the soundtrack from Grease on Spotify at my favorite coffee shop in Troy

Mostly rested today and came here. I had hoped to go to the gym today but my body is still recovering from Monday! I didn’t end up leaving my house until about 6 pm this evening. I had hoped to stop in my favorite store, the Hippies,Witches, & Gypsies Shoppe, in downtown Troy. Once again I missed Judy, the store owner but its always worth a visit even when it’s not open. A couple of weeks again something drew me down there and I was feeling some knee pain. After standing in front of the shop for a few mins looking at all the stuff inside and just reminiscing ( as I used to go there quiet frequently), I noticed as I left my knee pain was gone. The same today, my leg muscles are extremely sore ( almost as bad as when I climbed Hunter Mtn). I did feel some relief as I left.

Not sure if my day job is working out. I enjoy what I do but I just can’t always get down with my manager. I can’t help but think sometimes that she has somewhat of an abusive personality that reminds me of my ex in a way. And I can’t stand all the ‘corporate-ness’ of it. I want to make it work but I am going to start looking for new jobs again. I’d be happy pouring coffee at a chill place like the one I’m currently at. They never seem to be hiring when I’m looking 😦

Why can’t a church or something be hiring. Would loveeeeee to put my all into God’s work.

Yoga tomorrow night ❤


Livin la vida locca

Yesterday was another great day at the dojo.

I also got a surprise call yesterday from the Miss NY pagent (!!!!) they same pagentry as the Miss American and Miss Universe compitition 😀 It was a phone interview and I’ve been officially accepted as an applicant!!!!! Craziness. Still feels like a pipedream right now but I know from humble beginings come great things.

A little bit more pepp in my step today.

And mad brusies on my arms.

Decided to wear my sexy dress again today, the one I almost wore to the show. I feel totally badass in it. Almost secret agent-y. Lately im feeling brought down by the routine a little bit. Even though the routine isn’t even in full swing yet. Next week I correlated my schedule to my mma claases so ideally I can do classes on those days. I want to commit to doing 2x all levels classes,krav, and muay … at least 4 a week. I know ill be in shape in no time. Maybe just in time for the Miss Arizona pagent… HA! Got an email last night and I guess I got the greenlight to priced to whatever the next step is. Not going to say the whole stand there and be judged thing is really for me. I’m kinda more like a ‘fuck your opinion of me” buttttt if I can literally get paid to stand there and be pretty then I can take care of my mom, pay off some debit, put some towards school maybe buy a car… I’ll laugh if I adventured all the way to NY to bcome miss az. But I can’t think if a better representative.

Mmmm I’m ready to travel again. I wish I could just go go go.
I have such a hard time sitting still dammit.

Also I ultimately decided against taking one or multiple lovers … lol… sorry not going to change or lower my standards. Life is too short to settle. And I’m fully prepared to be single, celibate, and someone who dies young.
Hahaha omg jk jk 😉
I’m morbid yes but you know what I have fun. K thanks ugh buh byee

story ideas 1

also i have a some story ideas…

story Alycia gets approached by some guys that what her to work for her but their evil. and they kidnapped her mom and they’re holding her hostage. they offer her 48/hrs to make a choice and meet them in this one town. so all of this comes at a really bad time and she just snaps and she goes to that town and just kills everyone. men, women, children…everyone, unbeknownst to her, this was actually their plan because they wanted her to tap into her power. after she levels that town she pretty much just passes out in the wreckage all bloody and blue eyed guy finds her and cleans her up, gets her out of there. meanwhile she is unconscious she goes on a spiritual quest with someone from her past, a close friend. And he helps pull her back from the edge of insanity. she comes to finally and she thinks she’s alone and she continues her journey to find her mom. and when she finally does she rips out the captors still beating heart and takes a bite out of it while he is still alive to witness. she rescues her mom, who is less grateful and more concerned about why if she was only give 48hrs how  come it took 72hours and in all this time she bets that she didn’t return those blockbuster movies like she promised. ( and she would be right)

Of all the gym joints…

Had an awesome day off today! actually its been a good 3 days. yesterday i did work 430 to close but it still has felt like a mini vacation. today was the best day of all because i went back to my dojo ❤ and i felt really relaxed and at ease for the first time. and we did some really fun stuff today starting with muay thai. i was sparring with my favorite person and then we did this really fun boxing thing we try to hit, fake, and strike our opponent. and then we switched partners and got to see different peoples fighting styles, i really liked it because i can’t wait to fight although i am scared about getting hurt. Then in krav maga I was up against another one of my favorite sparring partners. i like to call her grandma in my mind lol. she’s a mature woman but she’s beast!!!! i really enjoy sparring with her. then at the end of class they brought the belts which they usually reserve for Saturday and i was besides myself.

afterwords i got some laundry done and spent some quality time napping and then catching up with my roommate. she makes me laugh. she is thinking about joining some  weightlifting gym in albany. she had me dying thinking about her getting all bulky and talking about “GAINS!” all the time.

its been a great week. monday i saw my friend peggy and we walked around downtown troy and got coffee. we stopped into this vintage store and I bought this large canvas painting of Humphrey Bogart. At one point we got locked out so we ended up at a friends hows while I tried to contact my roommate. I wish I still had my Grandpaw’s lockpicking set. IDK why he had that but he had a lot of weird shit. I mean I guess there is only one reason you would have a lockpicking set. LOL It’s weird thinking about my Grandfather as a man. I wonder what his life was like. There are so many things that I never got to ask him, things I didn’t even know I wanted to know.

Tuesday I had coffee and cheesecake for breakfast. Then work at 430pm. The first customer that came in made my sales day so even though the district store manager was there I felt as if I could feel somewhat at ease. HA! No. I’m so glad that I really enjoy my coworkers and one feels like she’s starting to be come a friend. Love it! She’s grown so much since I’ve met her its inspiring. I always hope I can be apart of the positive changes people choose to make 😀

Back tracking to friday, Watermark (WM) had a show. I got all dressed up for it and went to work but I ended up changing and going with a tshirt and jeans. I figured it would be better to be comfortable because being comfortable can equate to feeling good and at ease or whatever. i didn’t really have any plans for the night per say, i bought new earrings that day so that no matter what happened i could look back and be happy about that. (which i am- i can’t wear silver now give me gold!!! :D) well anyways, even though i called earlier to get the lineup and was told his band played last when i was at the show they said some other band was playing last. and my girlfriend walked by his table mad times being all mad obvious and everything and she saw him kinda of holding another woman’s hand and he may of grabbed her ass as she passed him. kind of vague but enough to make me want to bounce since apparently their band had already played or i’m not sure what. all in all it was a weird night. and i saw sad thinking about him maybe hand holding/ass grabbing someone else but i was also confused because thinking back to anytime anyone has ever held my hand or grabbed my ass there was definitely no confusion about what was happening. regardless, the real “salt in the wound” moment came the following sunday when i was working with a mutual person we know (friend?) and she showed me a picture off their facebook with them dressed up like the blues brothers! i love the blues brothers. so that pretty much ruined my day and i bought a sexy red thong at kmart. they say “sexy thing” on them. better label it in case i forget. muhahahahaha.

i wonder if things would of been different if i wore my other outfit.


It’s just a phase…

Decided to try out for some beauty pageants last week. I applied at least. And this is the photo I used:


I also bought a pair of 1/4 carrat diamond studs in yellow gold.


I also realized this weekend that nothing can take away my self love and that hope is not “the tear away part of ticket on your train ride to hell.” It’s actually a great and beautiful thing and maybe the only thing that keeps me moving at the beginning and end of each day. I also decided this week that I’m a completely ridiculous person. I accept it and I’m not going to change. I love being ridiculous.

And sassy. That’s fun too.

Whenever i have a bad experience i try to couple it with a pleasant one…

Had a shitty couple of hours with my new manager,

On my way to fucilla kia to see what it would take to get me in a vehicle.

Been back and forth on getting a car but ultimately itll lift my spirits. My focus is on freeing up sometime in my day, getting off the street, and being able to access more opportunties.

No money in my pocket so we’ll see how this goes