continued my day of cleaning and have made a complete disaster of my room, or so it appears…
it is however almost finished and when it is complete i will have space again! took a break and walked around a little bit in search of a metroland in the rain. Success!
IDK why but I’m still drawn to the ISAWU section… there was nothing reminiscent of the back and forth I was involved in a few weeks. a small blurb that could of been as easily it could not of been for me: ” isawu and i can’t get you out of my head. you’re killing me though. you’re overthinking as we do, stop.” could of been for anyone really. and of course my own writing to myself. rereading it im happy i submitted it. if nothing else it’s always cool to see your writing in print. regardless, it appears that whatever was or wasn’t between me and this other person is over. not sure whether i should feel happy or sad about it. on the one hand it was lot of misunderstandings and heartache at least on my end of things.
still i have faith. and i learned today that faith is hope in action. as things slowly and surely start to come together and work itself out, i am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. a new life is forming, a new pathway is being light and i am embarking on a new journey. next week i start interning at the sanctuary for independent media again and i’m nervous but excited. one thing that has come from allll of this stuff is i’m really ready to start stepping outside of my comfort zone. and i know being active in the community will open a lot of new doors and avenues for me. i’m going to meet new people. AND the next time I meet someone I like, i’m not going to fight it (the only reason I did fight it at first was because i was already involved).
but i continue to think about this previous person. there is a bundle of memories i have swimming around in my head. they are but mere moments in time, simple but also deep in a way. reflection gives a new perspective on things that have happened.
i don’t miss the heartache though nor do i miss the confusion. i guess as always we will see what happens.
and yet, somehow staying here, going back to hvcc, and just picking up where things fell apart just doesn’t seem right – well it seems right, i guess i just don’t feel excited about it. i really want a change of pace. i want something different, something new something fresh. i guess all of that can be found where i’m at…
so what am I missing?
i know who i’m missing.