and don’t call me ‘Shirely’

Just returned home from my first day of volunteer at the church. It was kind of a slow day: there were only 3 girls and they didn’t stay very long, mainly just long enough to eat and color some Popsicle sticks. I was forewarned that these children that frequent the church can be rowdy and violent at times, so suffice to say I was nervous and didn’t know what to expect. It was OK though. For most of the time it was just me, Pastor Hannah and another adult Stephen. Stephen and R. Hannah shared good conversation and both promised to help me learn to play the guitar. It was fun! I noticed that girls that time come into though lacked manners. Better than being violent. They had a tendency to ignore Stephen when he was trying to joke with him and at one point one demanded a PB&J sandwich. Later in the day ( after the girls left and returned) a 4th girl stopped in. The eldest of the previous 3 ( two sisters and one close friend) asked the 4th girl “what are you?” then began to rattle of racial combinations. As someone who is light skinned, light eyed, and usually wears her straight, I’ve been asked the same question many times. It’s always offensive and I usually reply, “I’m human” which is never satisfactory answer. People just gotta know what to label, what ‘category’ you belong in: it’s frustrating. For dinner we made enchiladas. Eh, more like quesadilla’s with chicken in them but they were tasty. All in all it was a great day.

Early this morning I had some odd dreams. The one I remember involved my friend Tiffany whom I met in middle school orchestra class. Back in November I think or maybe it was September I ran into Tiffany at the Troy Traffic Court. She called out to me as I was leaving and asked me “Do you remember me”. I recall thinking she looked familiar and I was about ready to say that she probably recognized me from when I worked at Stewart’s in Bellevue when she said “Sunrise Middle School”. It was quit shocking, I don’t think I ever saw her again after middle school. Well in my dream Tiffany and I met up so she could return my memory card from when she did that photo shoot with me. We met up at some random time like 1am somewhere desolate and dark and she returned my card and I asked her to wait for me cause the bus wasn’t coming for a while and it was dark & sketchy. She then received a call from someone else we both knew and that person wanted to hang out so she asked me if I wanted to hang out with this 3rd person (in Vermont I think) and I obliged (mostly just not wanting to be where I was anymore). The next thing I knew I was in a hannaford or a safeway and when I left the store the other friend I’ve known from middle school, Terrence, walked by me but didn’t acknowledge me and I called out to him. He spoke to me but kept his distance, seemingly not wanting to associate with me but doing so out of respect ( or guilt idk). I had a feeling in my dream that he didn’t want his GF to see us talking but she was nowhere around that I saw. Also during the entire dream I had my tongue pierced and then I got my lip pierced ( the area below my lip) and it was very painful and I had some big eyesore of piercing in it and I kept playing with it ( which is the reason why I don’t have either pierced anymore cause I can’t help but chew on them). Shortly after that the dream ended but I just remember the pain in the dream from lip felt so real.

I was feeling pretty bummed this morning. Tiffany did stop by today and dropped off my memory card ( which is not prophetic, it was a planned we made yesterday). Always nice to see a familiar face- especially one familiar of home. I guess it doesn’t take an expect to know that my dream was most likely me feeling like my friends back home have moved on without me, which is true and expected- I mean I know they miss me, I know they will make time to see me next time I visit, but I also know or at least I think that if I moved home we probably wouldn’t hang out like ‘good ole days’. And I guess in my dream I was sticking with Tiffany cause the sense of something familiar from home was comforting. And I feel very alone at times and in the dark.

Well anyways, I’ve been praying that God comes me a sense of direction. I need to feed the fire and find the mission again.

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