so it’s been awhile since i’ve last written and it’s time…

it’s time to come clean

the whirlwind i’ve been waiting for has started again, never stopped probably… i was just in the eye of the storm.

i was thinking yesterday that literally the best thing that happened to me in 2015 was that my mom died. that really says something about someones year right? it was truly a great and terrible thing. so many blessings have come from the money she left me, i’ve been able to plant many seeds- some of which are already starting to blossom. and I can say for the first time that I am confident that I will be successful.

The pageant is still a-go. I made another deposit a couple of weeks ago and I bought a dress! It’s beautiful: both simple and daring at the same time. I can’t wait to wear it.

Some other things that happened this month are: the Sanctuary season went out with a BANG with some really great events. Including two documentaries (T)ERROR by Lyric Cambral and David Felix Suftcliffe and Killing them Safely by Nick Berardini. There was also an anti-fracking think tank and Peace Festival (which my Uncle Bruce drove all the way down from Arlington to attend with me). But by far this season my favorite events where the SHOWS! Tani Tabbal Trio and the Satoko Fujji Quartet played and fed my love of JAZZ. I laugh sometimes how much i’m like my family. One thing is certain my whole family loves music.

Bruce’s visit turned out to be a lot of fun. He came to my MMA classes Saturday Dec 19. We snuck his two little dogs in 😀 They were in carry bags. He said the my classes had a lot of energy. I think he was most interested in Krav Maga – everyone is. In fact that’s what got me! For lunch we went to the Melting Pot- finally <3! It’s less expensive than I remember. I’ll be back for sure- maybe tomorrow- as I’m starting a diet on Jan 1st and no chocolate, caffeine, or diary for 21 days! Can you imagine! I know I’ll feel great and it’ll be well worth it. I’ll writing all about my progress on here. Especially since this is a demonstration of a product that I also sell. The business I started is an online brokerage company of products and goods either by or purchased through Market America and Shop.com. It’s fun and it’s a lot like the other things I’ve done in the past like demonstrating products, selling, obtaining product knowledge, displaying, merchandising except now I’m in the driver’s seat of what can of compensation I can earn AND it has GREAT tax incentives. The catch is that it’s very expensive to get started. I’m having fun though trying the products and I’ve already a committed lover of  the hair products. The aragon oil shampoo and conditioner have completely saved my hair. my curls now bounce and spring to life and HANG finally. my hair looks and feels amazing. I already sold some of them. Next I’ll be trying the eyelash serem to elongate eyelashes and the Royal Spa deep conditioner treatment. Everything is all natural. I could go on and on and on but the point is that I’m enjoying the business and the key is that the products are worth it.

That pretty much covers everything except Church and EMA. I’ve come to realize that the relationship I have with my gym is somewhat of a torrid love affair. It’s weird. And possibly not always healthy. And yet here we are- my life has changed so much since I’ve started going there. It’s incredible. It hasn’t always been easy and I haven’t always gotten along with everyone but there has always been this constant ebb and flow. Things are fluid and even though it’s not always what I want, I always get what I need out of the relationship. If it’s attention, I get attention…if it’s discipline, I get discipline… if it’s love, … well you get the point. Some how I can smell their scent a little bit in everything I do and everywhere I go. It’s been kind of terrifying but I know I shouldn’t feel that way, it’s a good thing. That day C came into my job, IDK what happened but if it wasn’t for me quitting my job I would not be in a position to give this Unfranchise business a shot. And still we have Caoimhghín. I’m slowly but surely warming up to him and just overall feeling a lot better about myself and him too. i’m accepting that where we’re at is at least 50 percent a result of my actions if not more so and i’m accepting that regardless of how it works out in the end i still have these feelings for this person that i can’t ignore. so much of what happened last year was a result of not talking to Caoimhghín. That’s kind of where church ties in. I’m not such an angry woman anymore. Or at all even. Or sad. And that makes easier to appreciate the great things in life like my gym which is in fact an expansive community of really unique individuals from all walks of life but everyone is really good people. myself included-yay 😀 church is pretty much the same way too.

 

in conclusion, lol, that’s a pretty long entry- that’s what happens when you stop writing for a while. Christmas came and went this year and I really wasn’t into it. I didn’t end up going to DC. I spent another Xmas with Peggy and that was fine too. It’s becoming a tradition of sorts maybe. She’s a really good friend albeit a wild woman lol. Since I was going to be in town I decided to go to some shows at The Low Beat and it’s definitely my favorite bar! I went to a show alone there last Wed and then a burlesque show with Peggy Sunday.I had a really good time both nights. One of my favorite parts of the burlesque show was the jazz music playing before show started. Loving jazz a lot lately. Loving a lot lately which has me feeling happy and FREE. The burlesque show was so much fun I’m ready to get up on stage. it seemed like such a liberating experience. and a creative one too, coming up with an act and all that. plus really body positive as the dancers, women and men, were all shapes and sizes and beautiful too. i’m definitely different from the experience and it makes me realize just how much the world really has to offer. opportunities everywhere and in turn that takes some pressure of the miss ny thing. i mean i obviously would love to win but i have a chance like everyone was there and just like with everything else that i do there are always chances – great or small- if you the bigger stakes the greater the win. it’s like gambling kind of except i think it’s just living like we’re dying because we are, it’s just a fact. so why not?

i’m finally ready to write ‘my testimony’

i think that’s a beautiful time in a Christian’s life. God’s brought me a long way from where I started. Not just in the last year and a half, but always. I’ve truly lived a charmed life and it started before I was even born.

soon here it goes ….

 

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life seems to be taking an upward swing lately as i started a new business, as well as other seeds seem to have started blooming in my life. My internship at the Sanctuary is totally blossoming into something really beautiful and it’s great. God has really blessed me lately and I feel light as air. I also paid my registration fee for the Miss NY so it is officially happening. I’m totally out of my element but oh well. Bring on the shitshow 😀