27 in Miami

Another year gone and what a year it has been. This time last year my landlord filed election papers that I was served a couple of days later. A perfect tennant I was not but up until February I had been always paid rent on time, never held any loud parties or had any other disturbances and I was clean. It was a crazy period. My ex boyfriend Nick reigned chaos down on all the whole landlord occupied property after I broke up with him and when I was in Arizona no less. So I literally spent my two week visit wondering if I had a home to come back to after Nick’s escapade where he was escorted out by the police after threatening my neighbors, trashing my place, and slandering me.  I can’t really say anything really worked out last year. I spent February soul searching as to what kind of job might fulfill me and I came up with fine jewelry sales because I am and always have been fascinated with rocks. I found a job much easier than I expected and it turned to be pretty awesome -mostly cause my manager was chill but like all good things Mark was dismissed about a month in and a new less chill manager stepped in. In my personal opinion she was psychotic but since I’m not a liscened psychatrist so I’ll say we didn’t Vibe. Maybe it’s me. In fact I’m most certain it is even if she is psychotic. I digress,  long story short- it didn’t work out. Neither did the job after that at Nordstrom rack. I don’t miss the ugly neon green shirts we had to wear. The beauty in it is that I set out to find a job close to my gym to make my bus commute easier and I succeeded not once but twice. The real tragedy last year was when my mom died. I still cry sometimes.  Through it all I managed to lose about 6 dress sizes.  I started to go back to church and I returned to the sanctuary for independent media. The latter is every bit a Sanctuary a for artist as church is for everyone.  I managed to push a few good friends away and Ive been pretty unstable and rocking the bitter angry woman look.  Not very attractive I hear but you know I live my life for an audience of one and I think God creates all emotions for a reason to be felt, deeply just not held on to.  which is where the issue kinda lies for me.  I feel like a dog that’s outgrown it’s size. I should have the confidence of a beast I mean fuck I’m bad ass I embody the very spirit of Punk Rock I’m gorgeous and while not where I want it to be my body is slamming.  Ive curves for days and I’m always getting checked out and yet I can’t help but see my imperfections and feel less than. It’s sad.

Still I play it cool and I keep it rolling. What’s next, I’m not sure but happy to be in Miami and I’m feeling very inspired ♥

 

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today i decided that february is going to be my last month in the capital region

i’m finally going to do what i should of done years ago and move to California ❤

And in celebration of this decision I’m going home and throwing all my previous metroland clippings in the TRASH where they (and whomever wrote them) belong.

 

🙂

 

so much for a ‘hopeful’ birthday