Yesterday morning I blew off NYC for Albany: missing my NYFW audition and sleeping in instead. The night before I had a strong feeling that I shouldn’t go and despite how much I was looking forward to it, I decided to go with my intuition. Thursday Pastor Christina had asked if we could start my confirmation class Sunday (today) and walking in NYFW would have meant missing church. I was conflicted so I asked myself “What would God want me to do?” and it was an easy choice.

Plus Friday had been a busy day and work had ended later than I expected, I didn’t get to prepare for the show the way I would have liked. I wouldn’t of felt 100% my best Saturday and  I’ve learned that there’s no point in going for anything if you can’t do it 100%.

It turned out to be an excellent day: I went to a Native American festival, Gathering of the Tribes in East Greenbush, and a music festival, Peacestock at the Sanctuary for Independent Media. I’ve wanted to go to the Gathering of the Tribes for a few years now and I remember a time when East Greenbush might as well been on another planet. It’s not exactly accessible without a car. My roommate and I went together and I was relieved that she drove. There was music, dancing, and vendors. I ended up spending most of my cash on stones. For as long as I can remember I’ve been picking up rocks. I know have the begining of a collection from stones all over the world ( and one from outside the planet). I used to have more. Yesterday I bought blue lace agate, blue moonstone, and labradorite from a lovely woman named Cheryl, a yoga teacher who loves charity -like me! I believe that everything emits energy, and rocks specifically carry different types of energy that can be used for healing purposes. Cheryl also practices sound therapy which involves a quartz triangle that she holds over your head and gently bangs like a drum producing different vibrations that you can feel throught your body. It was amazing. I made sure Janet got one too.

After we left the Gathering we visted the Sanctuary for the last hour and half of Peacestock. Apparently it had been sparse all day but got lively when I arrived, so said Melissa the project coordinator for the Sanctuary and one of the only two paid staff members. The Sanctuary is run almost entirely on volunteer support. As soon as I saw the crew they put me right to work manning the donation table and email list. I didn’t mind as volunteering there never feels like work! Plus I got to spend time with Melissa and I told her about how I didn’t go to my audition. She sympathized saying it was an expensive risk but honestly I was worried less about not making the cut and more worried about if I did. After all they invited me to come down and be evaulated. I feel so much more confident lately, it’s wonderfully. I’m glad to finally feel like myself again. Still there will be other opportunities and I was happy I stayed in the area and had a nice chill weekend. I’m trying really hard to not push myself past my limits and not having anywhere to be was a nice change from the work week.

Then on a whim I decided to get fancy and try a new bar, the Speakeasy 518, a cash only jazz club. It was pretty swanky. It was the first time I’ve ever gone out by myself to a nightclub and I had a blast. They’ve created a real authentic atmosphere and a great ambience. I felt like I had reached a new level of hottness in my little black dress and the jazz reminded me of my grandpaw and made me feel close to him.

And as planned, I start my confirmation classes today between the Adult and Children services in lieu of bible study. In the first service everyone was in a particularly chipper mood for some reason unbknownst to me- but I also have been feeling new hieghts of happiness. Could it be that love is in the air? Someone is doanting a boxing bag to our church that will available once we move into our new building. Things are getting very exciting at The Oaks of Righteouness that’s for sure! Stay tuned ❤

A lot.

There were absolutely no tears this weekend: it was blessed from beiging to end. The only thing is though, I missed my watermark.

Artifacts from the weekend

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Advertisements

Tired & Home finally after a very long day

Only four in my job and I’ve already been to over a dozen new cities in New York and also Massachutes. I LOVE my new job as a studio photographer! I’m finally getting a chance to explore the north east and I’m getting paid too.

A lot of my time is spent driving, maybe even as much as 30-45%, sometimes more. Sometimes when I’m driving I’ll have flashbacks to random memories in Phoenix- nothing particularly spectacular but I’m reminded of Arizona often and it makes me realize how much I  miss it.

Still, I feel like I’m connecting with the north east in a whole new way by creating new memories and doing what I love: shooting kids and driving. 😉 Hahaha I’m just kidding, I photograph kids and adults.

I’ve found myself back in school, though, reliving pre -school all the way through high school and it definitely makes me feel my age. And it also makes me feel bit cooler because even though I was totally bad ass back then I feel like the younger generation appreciates it more because I’m a cool adult. Or I’m deluded but ,either way, I’m happy.

I’ve also learned just how much work photographer really can be, especially when shooting on location. I carry a complete studio complete with lights, a roving camera, tripods, backdrops, and more all in my tiny little chevy. When packed well my equipment takes up 90% percent of my vehicle.

But for me there’s nothing like hitting the road and planning out a new journey. Which I’ll do again tomorrow as I embark to NYC where I have an audition to model for a show the last day of NYFW!

Miss USA and Miss Universe are watching it but hopefully Miss Troy will be rocking it on the stage Sunday!

And so the saga continues…

XOXO

A

 

Once upon a time there was a girl.

She was beautiful, with eyes of gold and sunshine.

She was a fortress of strength on the outside, but inside she was weak.

And she lived in a world inside her head.

And there she was a Princess:

Unbreakable.

Untouchable.

Impenetrable.

Yet, she had no name.

But it didn’t matter,

She didn’t matter.

She lived in a castle made of the finest porcelain.

She wore gowns made of the finest silk.

And she wore jewelry made of the most priceless gems.

Still she was nameless.

Unworthy.

Insignificant.

Inconsequential.

Though there were no guards, no dragons, and no spells;

Yet she was captive.

The only place she found refuge were her dreams.

(And she wished she could sleep forever…)

On the top floor there was a room.

Her favorite room.

Completely empty with one window the overlooked the village.

There she found solace in watching people go about their daily routine.

Imagining their life stories.

Sometimes she had visitors.

And they were nameless too,

because they didn’t matter.

They never stayed.

They called her whatever,

and took what they wanted,

and never left anything the same.

Her heart.

Bro

ken.

So broken.

All that was left was tiny shards.

(never let them see the tears)

She always saw them coming,

and she always watched them go

-through her window,

in the vacant room,

on the top floor.

Then came a boy.

He did not wear the finest clothes,

nor did he have golden hair,

or fine speech.

He was tall.

He was shaggy.

He had one green eye and one blue one.

His name was Preston.

And he did matter.

He bowed in her presence.

He looked only into her eyes.

And he said, “I have come to rescue her majesty from the demons that keep you.”

She didn’t seem him coming.

She told him not to address her as royalty.

And when he asked for her name she told him she had none.

So he said he would call her Chere.

Ma Chere.

He claimed her.

But still she was…

hallow.

vacant.

empty.

For awhile he did live in the castle.

For awhile he did consider it his home.

But after awhile he asked of the beast he had come to slay.

And she told him that there was no beast.

no guards.

no dragons.

no spells.

and he was free.

So he left.

and she was not surprised.

(for everyone always leaves after a while.)

Days passed and she did not sit by the window,

she did not watch the villagers go by,

she slept. she wanted to sleep forever.

And she did not see him coming

when he knelt down beside her bed,

and he feared she had died,

but when he touched her she stirred.

And she asked,

“why did you leave me.”

He replied,

“Because i want you to know that I’ll always come back.”

When he left there was no dragon

no guards.

no spells.

Just dark cold emptiness.

He said he wanted her to understand,

that he can’t save her–

from herself.

And someday she’d understand.

t o g e t h e r

they created a paradise.

t o g e t h e r

they rarely ventured outside the palace walls.

t o g e t h e r

they were happy.

and the villagers grew jealeous.

and they raided the castle,

and burnt it down.

so they ran.

till their clothes were torn and dirt splattered.

till their bones ached and stomachs cried out.

till they were free.

and deep into the nothingness they found nirvana,

Still the Princess was not satisfied.

She was restless,

and tormented.

She yearned for the peace she saw in Preston’s eyes.

So she asked,

“Where have found the meaning to life?”

and he said,

“there is no meaning to life. you give your life value and no one else can take it away”

Once upon a time

there lived a girl

with eyes of gold and sunshine

and she did matter.

She was not nameless anymore.